How Assertiveness Can Save Your Relationships...
Today I want to talk about a fear that holds many of us back: the fear of confrontation.
Hi everyone,
We often shy away from difficult conversations, picturing raised voices, hurt feelings, and burned bridges. But what if I told you this fear is often learned, not inherent?
Think back to your childhood. Were disagreements seen as negative? Did you feel silenced when expressing your needs? These early experiences can shape our internal scripts, leading us to avoid confrontation altogether.
The problem is, silence can be just as damaging. By not speaking up, we not only diminish ourselves but also build up resentment, which can manifest in unhealthy ways like passive-aggression or social withdrawal.
So, how do we rewrite this script and navigate those tricky situations? Here are some tips:
Reframe the Situation: Let's say your friend keeps flaking on plans. Instead of dreading a conversation, view it as an opportunity to strengthen your friendship. You can approach it by saying, "Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you, but lately, it seems our plans fall through often. Is there something going on that makes it hard to commit?"
Start Small, Build Confidence: Don't jump straight into a heated accusation. Maybe next time your friend cancels, suggest a raincheck and ask if they have a more reliable time in mind. This sets a gentler boundary and shows you value their time too.
Prepare and Practice: Feeling nervous is normal! Before a conversation, jot down some key points you want to address. Rehearse with a friend or record yourself on video to build confidence in your delivery.
"I" Statements Are Your Ally: Instead of accusatory language like "You're inconsiderate for always canceling," focus on how their actions make you feel. Try, "I feel disappointed when plans fall through last minute. It would mean a lot to me if..."
Listen Actively and Be Open: Maybe your friend has a valid reason for canceling or isn't aware their actions are hurtful. Acknowledge their perspective and aim for a solution that works for both of you.
A Message from Your Therapist:
Healthy confrontation is about clear communication, not aggression. By following these steps, you can address the issue, potentially strengthen your relationship, and ultimately, feel more respected and heard.**This journey starts with a single step. Take it today.
In our next newsletter, we'll delve deeper into assertive communication techniques. Stay tuned!
Warmly,
Tom
Your Therapist Buddy!
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