Hey there, Monday warriors! ⚔️
Before you fire up another motivational meme, let's ditch the positivity pressure for a sec. Your friendly therapist here is inviting you to let go of the "positive mindset" and embrace the truth: Sometimes you don’t feel okay.
And that’s not only okay; it should be welcomed. Why? Because sadness is just as valid and useful emotion as happiness and trying to squash it away or hide from it usually causes more suffering then simply letting it be.
Why the attack on a positive mindset? Well, I’m all for people being optimistic and working towards their goals, but happiness can’t always be the answer. And letting our self off this happiness-hook is paradoxically the first step towards feeling more at peace in your life.
I was having a conversation with a friend recently and, upon agreeing with his point, exclaimed “Yeah! Life can be hard, right?”. He stared at me aghast and with wide-eyes and enquired - “Aren’t you supposed to be a therapist?”.
I didn’t realise that’s what my friends thought I did all day - just sitting back in my clinic room telling people to “look on the bright side”.
I mean seriously, with the threat of war, the climate crisis, recessions, pandemic, relationships, children, parents and toxic bosses - what would the point of that be?
It really made me think though - there is an expectation that people *should* feel happy. And to not feel happy would be wrong or bad. But that’s really confusing for people because what if a member of their family suffered a terrible fate? Or you’re struggling financially, or your relationship isn’t going well…
Should we look on the bright side and wait for the positive affirmations to kick in, or maybe it’s better if we let dismay take centre stage. Maybe that’s what’s required to kick start us into gear…
“The process of living is like taking a very long road trip. The destination may be important, but the journey experienced day to day and week to week is what is invaluable.”
― Steven C. Hayes
So, the next time a quote tells you to "smile through it," just remember:
Feelings are valid, even the messy ones. They might even point you towards growth.
Silence isn't the answer. Listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you.
Happiness is great, but it's not the only game in town. Embrace the full spectrum of your emotional experience.
Have a great (or not) rest of your day, friends.
Always here if you need a chat.
All the best,
Tom
Ready to feel those feels? Click here for a 5 minute exercise!