Why Rest Can Feel Like Work 😰
– And How to Reclaim It
Hey Team,
Sometimes, we live so frantically. Between work, chores, kids, dogs, friends, appointments, hobbies… it’s just one thing after another. So, when we’re finally given a morning to just be, the go-go-go nature of our lives can convince us it’s best to use this time ‘wisely.’
I often catch myself thinking: “I’ll get on top of X now, so that when I’m busy again, I won’t have to think about it.” It’s a well-intentioned habit, driven by the fear of falling behind or of a future where I’m too overwhelmed to cope. So, by solving problems proactively now, I tell myself I’m saving my future self from suffering. But here’s the problem—there will always be more problems to solve. That’s just life. And if I never allow myself to stop, I’ll never get to rest at all.
And the result? I end up either angsty or tired. I’m tired because I’ve been rushed off my feet, or I’m angsty because I feel I’m wasting time by relaxing. It’s an endless cycle—chasing dopamine, completing unnecessary tasks, and ultimately having a worse experience of the present moment than necessary. It’s all a bit of a pickle, in truth. And I think that’s worth reflecting on.
Key Takeaways:
✅ Our brains are wired for productivity, but that doesn’t mean we always have to be ‘on.’
✅ Rest isn’t just a luxury—it’s a skill that takes practice.
✅ Slowing down doesn’t mean falling behind; it means learning to be present.
Take today, for example. I’ve got four clients booked in, the first at 11:30 am. My sleep routine is pretty regimented (years of insomnia will do that to you), so I woke up at my usual time, had tea, toast, showered, and texted my fiancée good morning. All well and good—except that when it came time for me to leave for the office, I had a stark realization: “You have literally no reason to be at your desk for another four hours.”
Five years ago, when I was full-time in the NHS, I ached for a morning off. A morning to myself. A morning to live slowly. And yet, here I am—faced with that very reality—and it feels... empty? Unsettling? Wrong?
CBT teaches us that our behavior is influenced by the thoughts and feelings swirling around in response to a situation. After years of hard graft, my mind is trained for efficiency—to value time, energy, productivity, and problem-solving. It’s kept me afloat. But when there’s nothing urgent to do, when the dishes are done and my inbox is clear, I don’t know how to just be. And that’s a problem.
So, what do we do when our belief systems lead us astray? Here’s the process:
Step 1: Identify the Unhelpful Beliefs
Beliefs like:
“I must be on top of everything.”
“I must always be productive.”
“I should be further along in life.”
“I cannot cope if things go wrong.”
On one hand, these can be helpful—driving us to be forward-thinking, resourceful, and conscientious. On the other, they create stress, emotional exhaustion, and an inability to relax.
Step 2: Reconnect With What You Truly Value
Productivity can’t be the only thing that matters. What else do you value? Your health? Relationships? Creativity? Joy?
Instead of fixating on staying ahead, redirect some of that energy into what actually fulfills you:
Call your partner for a long chat—not about future plans, just for the sake of connection.
Catch up with a friend over coffee—why not now?
Take a walk—not to improve your fitness or hit a step goal, just because it feels nice.
Live slowly, on purpose, for an hour.
Step 3: Challenge the Absolutes
Your mind might be telling you:
“If my house isn’t spotless, I’ll drown in stress.”
“If someone sees my flat messy, they’ll think I’m incompetent.”
“If I’m not productive, my business will fail, I’ll go broke, and my life will be over.”
Are these thoughts really true? Or are they exaggerated? Try rewording them:
“I feel more secure when I’m on top of things, but I know this isn’t always realistic.”
“A little mess doesn’t define my worth.”
“My business isn’t going to collapse just because I took a morning off.”
Step 4: Live Boldly—And Prove Yourself Wrong
Ask yourself:
How would I be living if these thoughts weren’t constantly in my head?
How did I imagine my future self when I was younger and more carefree?
In five years, will I wish I had been more present?
Then, test it. See what happens when you don’t follow those rigid internal rules. Will the world end if you don’t clear your inbox at 7 am? Will your life fall apart if you don’t optimize every moment?
Final Thought:
If we always let fear and productivity dictate our lives, we miss out on actually living.
If this resonates, and you’re caught in a cycle of always doing, let’s explore what’s driving that urge. Book a free consultation today to understand your wiring—where it serves you, and where it trips you up. Let’s find a healthier balance together.
📅 [Click here to book your free consultation]
Warmly,
Tom
Holland-Pearse Psychotherapy
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